This happens… the news of your up-coming wedding becomes known and someone offers to gift you a wedding cake or to bake it for you. Although you may have mixed feeling about this, caught unawares, you could immediately agree and then later wish you hadn’t. Or you are happy about the offer and it goes pear-shaped. This is part of a series of posts, the first was Who Is Going To Make The Wedding Cakes?
2. How to Handle Offers?
If you like the idea of getting a wedding cake as a gift then you need to note the following. When someone gives you a gift, you are on the receiving end. The gifter decides what they want to get you and you don’t necessarily have much say about it.
A gift is a surprise.Cake at Vic Falls
Gifted Wedding Cakes From Family or Friends
They have just heard the news, so at this stage, their offer is spontaneous and they haven’t really thought it through. But later they get to decide what cake they give you. After accepting their offer, it can be hard to get details of exactly what cake they are gifting, so before you agree you need to know the following.
- Your expected number of guests
- How much cake they are offering, so you can know if you must add to the fare with extra cake
- That they can realistically do, what they are offering
- Are they offering to pay for it to be made by someone else? (will you be able to liaise with the decorator?)
- Is it an outright gift that they are making themselves?
- Or are you providing the ingredients or a cash equivalent?
By ironing out the details at this point – you will save yourselves complications and misunderstandings later down the road.
Write down what was agreed (exchange phone numbers) and include the date.
When Would This Be A Great Idea?
- When you are on a tight budget – One less expense can make a huge difference
- When the person offering makes awesome cakes! You know your cake is good hands – you trust them
- When you don’t mind and aren’t fussed either way whether there is cake or not – least of all what it looks like. If someone else looks after this, then it’s one less thing to think about!
- When the person is your Nan or Mum – You may feel really touched by this offer and the memory of it will stay with you long after the wedding. “My Nan made my wedding cake.” It’s a family thing.
- You can happily ACCEPT (even if organising the Wedding Cake is Your Thing!) with…
“That is such a lovely offer. I have already organised (got plans for) the Main Cake, but I am looking for help to make the…The Bride
- Kitchen Tea Cake
- A Special Cake for The Bridal Team (mention a date)
- Kitchen Cake (some call it Tray Cake)
- The Groom’s Cake (this is a good one if it’s the Groom’s Mum who makes the offer. She would be delighted to make his favourite cake and the groom will be just as pleased to have this indulgence!) Win-win (there are no rules for the groom’s cake – it’s a casual cake)
- Cake for the Day-After Family Brunch Get Together
- A Small Cake for Our Honeymoon
- A Mini Cake for Aunty Pam – she can’t make it to the wedding!
“Would you be happy to help with this?“The Bride
(Obviously, just choose one – Lol!)
But, this is a beautiful way to accept an offer. And as you can see – these cakes are important, but also not so important that you have to worry too much about how they will look – heck you will have more cake and no one is going to be complaining about it!
- Be sure that their offer won’t cause unnecessary stress – the cake is a huge responsibility and you don’t want to burden anyone in your immediate family who may already have a lot to organise
- Be sure they won’t back out at the last minute. Cake jitters happen! (This is particularly so when it’s the Wedding Cake)
- Have a plan B should the unexpected occur (more on this later).
What Not To Forget
- To thank them either way – a written note would be best
- To work with them if they want your input
- To reassure them
- To be grateful for the thoughtful offer however it works out
Should I Ask a Family Member Or A Friend To Do The Cake?
The same things apply here as have already been mentioned, but perhaps you could also remember the following…
- Some may feel obliged to agree and then later regret it. (I once made a wedding cake for family and travelled with the cake on the plane – it’s quite stressful, even if it is “just the one-tier”)
- It can get complicated in such silly ways. You both keep checking about stuff just in case and a lot of time can be taken stressing details.
- It’s quite possible that you may be very disappointed with the cake for some reason. This is tricky and could end unhappily.
Remember – you ‘asking’ and them ‘offering’ – are two different scenarios.Cake at Vic Falls
- Are you prepared for them to say NO? If not, don’t go there…
- If you are asking someone to make your cake, ensure you have in mind to reimburse them for the ingredients needed to make your cake – however, it is possible that they may choose to make this their wedding gift to you. (I have done this myself).
Key Take Away
So before you accept gift cake offers…
1. Understand how best to handle wedding cake offers
2. Be sure you are okay that someone else organises the cake and surprises you
3. Decide if you are going to ask someone to make the cake. Remember family and friends are special, you don’t want any strained relationships even if the wedding cake is a flop…
3. Only accept a wedding cake offer if you can confidently leave it in their care without micromanaging or asking for extra things (that they will feel obliged/or even resentful to do)